Jill the Giant SLayer
by chaitea16
Summary: Jack may be a prick but damn did he luck out when those beans turned into a road toward potential riches. Witness to the events that follow, Jack’s neighbor Jill decides to try her luck above the clouds. GT fetish fic Warning: I don't have an editor yet
1. Chapter 1

Jill the Giant S/Layer

Authors note: Basically this is a silly spoof I came up with that plays off of one of my favourite fairy tales. It was so very heavily inspired by the movie Jack and the Beanstalk: The Real Story (2001) but all the characters are from the original fairy tales (thus why it's here). I play into a few other stories in this but eventually it will settle into a GT fetish fic (surprise surprise). You have been warned.

---*---

I can't take it anymore. Why couldn't he just be honest for once in his poor, useless life? Jack was such a prick. And now that the matter was being dragged out further, the chances of bullshitting his obnoxious ass out of the situation became way too high for my patience to handle.

First there was the candlestick fiasco, followed closely by that pumpkin lantern nonsense. For whatever reason, no one else could see that he's just a little pyro freak that wasn't beaten enough as a child to know any better when an adult body grew around that infantile mind. I was in an especially foul this time around became I ended up tumbling after the moron. Sighing, I moved away from the crowd with a slight limp that I wouldn't have if it weren't for him turning a simple chore of getting water from the well into his next outrageous disaster.

I almost made it through the front door before hearing my name spoken in a melodious tenure. Instinctively I turned around, promptly wanting to kick myself for the reflex because I already knew who it would be.

"You should have stayed, my darling Jill. You missed the best part!" His eyes lit up while that insufferably charming face eased into the cocksure grin he used to win everyone else over. He wore a bandage around his crown like a badge of honor rather than proof of his uselessness. "When I saved my beautiful damsel in distress from bandits while risking a fate possibly worse than death!" He followed that up with a wink. I could only respond with a raised brow. I learned long ago that body language was the only form of communication he seemed competent in. He had this mind boggling talent to flip my words around so no matter what I said, it always sounded like I somehow agreed. Though recently he began ignoring my blatant hints, content to chat me into submission no matter how tetchily I stood.

Before he continued lying to the one other person who actually saw what happened, I finally interjected. "Oh Really? Because that doesn't sound like anything I recall." Crossing my arms, I watched his face fall slightly before regrouping into his next monologue of how he understands that my memories may have become distorted after my little tumbling down the hill earlier. Once again word and my body fail to deter so I instead enact my brilliant escape.

"There are only two of us here, so I don't know who the hell you think you're lying to!" Slamming the door in his face, I grinned at the yelp of surprise that arose from the other side of my wooden savior. Sure that was crude, but one can't argue with the results. My mood just started to improve before it plummeted once again as I tried to head towards the kitchen, stumbling over my still weak ankle. Grumbling, I continued on my way, cursing the bastard that was probably still loitering outside my home.

---*---

How useless can one person possibly be? What would have been yet another day of Jack and his tedious antics instead turned into the best verbal thrashing I had witnessed in a long time. Finally, the proper reaction to his failure. Listening to the shrill of his frustrated mother's voice brought a barely concealable smile to my face. This was absolutely priceless! It takes a very special kind of idiot to sell a cow that was at least worth its weight in meat for next to nothing. Magic beans? Ha!

"But ma-" He was cut off by what could have been a banshee's wail. The stout women seemed to tower over Jack's cowering form as he relentlessly tried to convince her of how this situation wasn't as bad as it seemed. Sweet silence feel over the pair as the beans were smacked out of Jack's hand. Observing where they landed, I made a mental note to come back and retrieve them as a memento for this beautiful moment. After all, they were apparently worth at least a cow. Snickering, I continued to make silent jokes about the situation to myself as I weeded through my pitiful excuse for a garden.

Meanwhile both parties abruptly turned and stormed off in different directions, leaving me free to finally laugh myself to the ground. When the coast was still clear and my giggle fit complete I climbed over the fence separating our properties. Though once on the side I was only able to find one of the beans where I was sure they had all fallen.

---*---

This was truly a week of unpleasant surprises. I really should have known yesterday was too good to be true. Grimacing, I shifted my weight as I stared at an enormous plant which had spouted from the yard next door. It was stretching far into an ominous looking cloud that the wind appeared to have no effect on. The brilliant green of the stalk, along with the sheer size of several pods hanging from it left me quite distracted. When I was finally able to pull my eyes away from the impossible bean plant my sight was instead assaulted by the grinning moron himself.

"Impressive, I know." Jack moved in closer to me as his gloating continued. "Care to join me as I seek out the finest treasures above earth?" He lazily rested against the barrier separating us, practically humping the poor old fence.

I caught his hand before he could snake it around my shoulders, quickly diverting it away from me before it got too comfortable in my grasp. "Why can't you ever take a hint?" Jack lifted that same hand to his ear, tracing the line of his jaw before resting a finger on that cleft chin. The look on his face was welcoming while dripping with arrogance. Sighing in exasperation I moved to leave but he quickly leaned over the wall and grabbed a hold of my arm. He then had the audacity to pull me back towards him. Turning, I eyed him menacingly as a warning, giving him the option of taking back this particularly dangerous action. Instead, he opened his mouth.

"My love, this is the adventure of a lifetime! Not just another scheme to listen to Old King Cole's three fiddlers or stealing the silver bells and cockleshells from Mary's garden. This would be climbing into the very sky above!" As he spoke, his baby blue eyes lit up with excitement. Looking into how depthless they were was becoming almost painful. "Imagine if we were to find heaven, though if you come along with me I'm sure we wouldn't have to look very hard." His pretty boy antics only incited disgust as I bent and twisted my arm to easily break his grip.

"You are an insufferable waste of time and I look forward to being rid of your nonsense after you surely plummet to your death on this new fool's errand." He still smiled at me, though the more charm he tried to spread across that face the worse those chiseled features appeared to me. How any women could coo over that remained beyond my comprehension.

"Wait for me then. I shall hurry back with a treasure that will surely win you over." He rushed off to the monstrous plant, pausing briefly to sling a pack over his shoulder before beginning the climb. His mother was there to wave him off, throwing me a death glare in-between shouts of encouragement and praise. All the while she started opening a bean pod large enough to feed an entire family for a day. Immaturely, I stuck my tongue out at the women who spawned the bane of my existence. She should have been happy at my rejection to her son's persistent advances. I live with neither a family nor wealth to speak of. A marriage with me would be even less then unhelpful to their already poor circumstances.

Opening my hand as I walked away from the bizarre scene I glanced down at the stolen, and authentically magical, bean. Maybe I should plant it on my property. See how they feel about the eyesore when it's no longer unique. Dropping it back into my pocket, I readied for bed while hoping that when I awoke there would be no sign of that unbearable boy for quite some time.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: There is a fairly graphic death scene in this section. Now that that's out of the way, this is my first attempt at an action scene. Hopefully it makes sense and doesn't seem too choppy.

Jill the Giant S/Layer

---*---

It was too good to be true. Weeks passed without a single word from the shack next door. If it weren't for the unsightly beanstalk I could have forgotten there was once something over there to be irked by. I went about my days and found my cheerfulness helped bring about better quality in my work. That morning I left my home with the best cloth I had been able to make in far too long.

As I made my way back from town with lighter arms and fuller pockets, I heard a thunderclap. Looking up to the sky I saw a clear day with only that same unchanged cloud fixed where the beanstalk disappeared from sight into it. Though something was off about it. Well, more off than usual. Looking closely I finally realized it was because the cloud was much lower to the ground; masking the beanstalk on its decent.

The sound came again, this time causing me to jump at how much closer it felt. Picking up my pace I hurried home, only to discover that this was the origin of that eerie noise. As the beanstalk came into full view the first thing I noticed was how it seemed to sway. Stupidly I hurried towards it, captivated by the new peculiarity of the already impossible plant.

Hearing a soft shout I looked up to see Jack climbing frantically down and out from the cloud. On his decent, he was being beaten to the ground by fist sized falling objects slipping from an overflowing pack. Curiously, I actually continued moving closer to better see what it was he had been able to find up there. Only a few yards from the stalk I bent down to examine one of the already fallen items. As I picked it up from the ground I could not believe what I now held. The golden colored egg seemed to stare back, daring me to blink least it vanish from my trembling hands.

I was soon snapped out of that beautiful moment by the sound I had mistaken for thunder. Without looking back I ran with my prize to the woods, ducking behind the brush as that deep rumbling became so loud I could practically feel it. Jack cried out to his mother who emerged quite fearfully from the cottage, axe in hand. Grabbing the tool from her, he frantically began trying to chop down the beanstalk. When she tried to stop him, he only screamed hysterically. His face was a mask of madness he continued working the tool deeper into the stalk. His slight form struggling with the heavy ended implement while sweat dampened locks clung to that contorted face. The scene invoked a mixture of disgust and wonderment as a clung to my golden egg.

I stood up, unable to take the suspense a moment longer. Desperate for answers as to what could possibly be happening I began to leave the forest. It was then that I realized the cloud which had been stationary for so long continued working its way down the beanstalk at a faster pace, leaving no sigh of the plant in its wake. Regarding it suspiciously I tried to fathom a guess as to how it tied into Jack's behavior.

Before I could really begin to speculate a bolder swiftly shot down from it. I stumbled as the ground shook with the impact; arms flailing and heart pounding. Looking up as I regained my balance I almost lost my lunch at the sight of Jack's mother crushed beneath the horse sized rock. I couldn't help but cry out in alarm as I sprang back into the forest; though still insight of what appeared to be a wrist extending from the not quite bolder, trailing up into the cloud alongside the beanstalk.

I heard that thunderous rumble again, only this time I could make out words. The deep growl coursed threw me as I watched Jack's axe crashed several times against the fist which pinned his mother's lifeless body in place. "My not so good man, surely you must have seen this being the likely outcome resulting from your treacherous actions? Though I assure you it is nothing personal." The boulder unravelled to become an open hand; reaching for Jack while dripping parts of his mother in its wake. Meanwhile, I forgot how to breathe as I continued to take in the sight before me. My chest must have ached but the only feeling that actually registered was a mix of bewilderment and horror.

The axe barely broke the thick, leathery skin as the hand steadily continued on its path towards Jack. To his credit, the boy refused to turn tail and run as I had. A pang of self loathing was able to spark in me before quickly being stomped out by what happened next.

Enclosing around Jack, the giant hand began squeezing, causing that once creamy complexion to begin taking on a blue tinge. I was finally able to tear my eyes away due to a profound need to retch. This happened just before hearing what I pretended was a bag of wet cobblestones crash to the ground. Observing my own hands intently, I noticed how white the knuckles looked wrapped around the golden egg. Trying to be once again mesmerized by the treasure I worked to block out the rustling which continue for what felt like ages before silence finally fell along with the sun.

I was finally able to move from my cowardly hiding place, stumbling to where I had witnessed the unfeasible murders earlier. The bodies were no longer there, but plenty of blood remained to prove that what I had seen actually happened. Something else was missing from the scene as well. The golden eggs that had crashed to the ground were gone, all except for the one I still clutched in my hands. Looking it over closely, I became lost in thoughts of opportunities that now spread out before me.


	3. Chapter 3

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Growing up in and living the poor life was awful, but nothing compared to having a brief taste of wealth before plummeting back into poverty. Now that was excruciating. The golden egg had been used up much faster than I could ever have imagined. That once heavy little memento was the only positive outcome of my past ordeal. Though while the images burned into my mind continued to give me nightmares the dreams of those other eggs, and the possibilities they held, were so sweet. Sweet enough to send me back to that shack with what little I had left from my too brief excursion into a world of riches.

Waking from another fleeting image of how my life could continue to be easygoing and carefree, I again affirmed that it will soon become a reality. All I needed to do was get my hands on more of those eggs. And thanks to Jack I knew what had to be done and the mistake that needed to be avoided at all costs. Even at the risk of losing out on my future treasure. After all, what was the point of obtaining wealth if I was too dead to spend it?

Coming downstairs into the main room of the inn, I saw several familiar faces. They looked up at my passing but quickly turned away, respectful without any sign of recognition. This brought to mind yet another reason I needed to continue on my quest. I have become a woman of wealth in many ways over the past three years and in such time transformed my appearance into something associated with riches almost as tempting as the items I now sought. My face became accustomed to being clean and smooth to the touch. This caused me to pause around reflective surfaces much more often. My hair has also undergone a transformation, no longer bound tightly it cascaded in straight waves over my shoulders and tickled any chair I graced with my presence. Overall I delighted in this new me and was quite adamant about maintaining her.

Keeping with appearances, I gave the last of my money to the grateful innkeeper before making my way to the stables for a horse that will take me the rest of the way. While travelling I continued to convince myself that my overly impressionable mind must have misled me concerning the sight I bore witness too. I was young and naive then, but now I am back and a lady of prestige. The only true reality of the situation was the tangible items leftover from it; the magic bean and golden egg. Everything else was just a distraction… especially that deep rumble which I can sometimes still feel at night before drinking myself to sleep. So long as I avoided anything like it, I would remain safe and become successful.

As I reached my old village I saw that the path which once led to Jack's and my homes had grown over. Not surprising, considering the scene left behind when I fled the area to begin a new life away from the deaths of those who made such possible. Staying focused I passed by familiar shops I once worked at and stands I purchased wares from. While making my way through the filth I once lived amongst I could feel the eyes of my countrymen on me as I road from the village and into what they probably believed to be a cursed location. Ignoring the sick feeling that came over me I continued to encourage the already agreeable horse forward. This helped to make up for my own reluctance.

The properties had changed drastically after only three years, though that was mostly due to how the entire area was probably cleared. Scorched remains lead me to conclude that I had not yet seen any sign of the stalk because the townsfolk must have burned it and the cottages to the ground. Such a crude attempt at purification by ignorant fools. The act only depleted them of a steady source of food. Thanking my luck to have held on to a magic bean for so long I planted it among the new growth that sprung up from where the old one had once assaulted my visual field the view of my window.

With no house left to retreat into for the night, I camped out next to where I plated my new road to riches. It didn't matter how filthy I became now, so long as I could clan myself up in a tub made of gold with scented soaps later. My hand curled over the freshly moved dirt, caressing the spot lightly as I dreamed of how much wealthier I would make myself this time around.


	4. Chapter 4

---*---

I awoke shivering. While reaching for a blanket my hand grabbed a hold of something else. Still groggy, I pulled it close to me so my chill might be taken away. Just as I experienced the sensation of being rocked back to sleep by the ground my eyes shot open and I slowly took in the situation.

My beanstalk not only finished growing but it didn't reach into a strange cloud in the far off sky like its predecessor. Instead it disappeared into a cloud directly overhead. Looking down I noticed that the stalk was well above the tree tops while the ground I had fallen asleep on was nowhere in sight. I couldn't help but scream out in surprised horror at the realization of just how very high up I was. Grabbing the enormous leaf that easily held my weight I pulled it closer and found the action left me unbalanced. Shakily I switched to holding the stem instead, pulling myself away from the overgrown foliage and towards the stalk. Wrapping my legs around it I could not bring myself to look down at the proof of how very far away I was from everything I knew. Instead I tried focusing on the cloud above my head. "Jack made it farther then this and he was just a commoner."

Moving past the cloud's dampness I found myself climbing onto a thankfully sold feeling ground. Taking care to let the beanstalk go slowly I tiptoed away from my entrance to this new land, delighting in how firm and safe it felt to be standing on top of a cloud. After a quick look about it became apparent that this wasn't so different from standing on my old ground. The sky stretched out above me with perfectly normal looking clouds being moved by a mundane feeling breeze. Aside from those comforting details everything else was tremendously out of proportion for me. Taking care to steady my breathing I made my way through a forest of grass. The feel of the plants against my hands was dizzying as I continued to search for anything that looked like it might contain golden eggs. I giggled at the thought of a hen house which might contain such a curious source of wealth while I pushed bright green blades away of my path.

Once on the other side I spotted an impossible structure looming before me. A huge keep; bringing to mind the hand which pulled at my thoughts stronger now then I had let it in the past. Feeling that old panic resurfacing, I barely managed to drag my uncooperative feet to the building. After all, this was it. This is what I've been waiting for these past few months. Getting closer, another thought came to mind. Even if this place didn't hold the eggs I sought, it looked well off enough to have some semblance of riches behind those walls. "I guess it doesn't matter what form the gold is in, so long as I can get plenty of it." Becoming excited at the prospects of success I hurried to reach my target.

Looking over the door I quickly concluded that I wouldn't be able to gain access through it. Even if I was stupid enough to use the knocker, there was no way I could reach it, let alone the handle. Figuring that a small crack to the owner could be an entry way for someone my size, I began my search around the structure. "And besides, if Jack managed to find his way inside then surely I will. And it wont take me nearly as long."

So hands outstretched, I searched for an opening along the wall. Each stone was enormous and rough beneath my hands. Becoming bored, I distracted myself by being angry over how difficult it would be to wash all this dirt off. And the coleuses! It took me forever to make my hands smooth like this. Completely absorbed by such thoughts my foot caught against a root, causing me to almost loose my balance. It wasn't till after I straitened up that I noticed the sounds of nature all around me. Looking past the keep I took in the enormous forest that had been to my back. Its vastness was beyond overwhelming so I paused from my search to better take in the scenery.

Now that I was allowing myself to sight see I realized just how out of place I was up here. Sure everything was huge, I expected that. But that still didn't prevent my mouth from gaping as I moved to touch a flower that was almost as long as I was tall. Running my hand across a velvety petal I again recalled the sound of that voice. Shivering I quickly moving back to the keep, reminding myself of the danger I was facing just enough to keep focused but not so much as to send me fleeing back down my beanstalk.

It was a good sign that everything up here was this large, after all. Focusing on the positive implications, I continued along the stone wall. The bigger the inhabitants, the larger their gold coins would surely be.


	5. Chapter 5

---*---

At last I came across an opening that a person my size could squeeze through in this enormous structure. The current inhabitant kept the structure in much better repair then I initially hoped. Considering this I tried not to allow my mind to become distracted by the implications this held for a difficult escape. A distraction from that line of thought came easily enough when I began to regret settling on the first prospect for an entrance located. I was now on the shelf of a storage room with equipment piled higher then mountains, its vastness dwarfing any valley I had ever seen from afar. That's even what it felt like, as though I were standing on a cliff before a valley. My knees buckled while the air caught in my lungs as I realized what my next step would be if I continue on from here. The only way down I could see was to climb the side of a shelf that looked as though it hadn't been sanded since the day it was built.

The splinters ended up being useful as I gripped them on my way down to the very faraway floor. Forcing my gaze upwards, I tried to imagine that the ground was right below me. This only worked for so long since it became much harder to keep tricking myself with how long it was taking to hit bottom. About halfway down I attempted to sing to myself as a distraction but that only made more nervous. What if my shaky voice was heard? After all, this was a stealth mission above all else.

Finally on the floor, I began my search. I avoided climbing up anything too high at first, but my impatience made me bolder. I was able to act more daring while I moved about the piled boxes, baskets, and even a few trunks. I tried to think of the landscape as a rock yard. This helped me to focus less on how small I felt in comparison to the various tools and equipment I came across, most of which would normally fit comfortably in my hand. The most disturbing of all had to be the axe. It had a blade larger than my entire body. I couldn't help but think that this axe may have been more successful when it came to chopping down that beanstalk. Though further consideration of how anyone, let alone the lean bodied Jack, could possibly wield it against a threat was morbidly laughable.

Having searched the entire room and coming up unsuccessful I tried not to cry out in frustration as I looked at an enormous staircase. I may not have heard any noises from up there yet, but knowing my luck as soon as I stepped out so would what ever lived here. Still not willing to turn back now after all that wasted time searching down here, I slowly made my way up the stairs. Even reaching with my hands outstretched I had to jump to try and grab a hold of the next stair, pulling myself up the rest of the way. After only three steps I was already exhausted. Sitting against the wood backing for a breather I noticed that there were dips in the wood. Upon closer inspection the realization that I could have used them as handholds to help get up faster struck me. Scolding myself for not being more observant earlier I finally made my way to the top of the stairs a little less worse for wear.

Crawling under the door, I found myself in a room where no amount of creativity could help me not see it for what it was: a colossal kitchen that left me feeling quite exposed. Unable to fend off nausea with denial I kept my eyes down, unwilling to believe that there was a creature anywhere that could fill the chair I now walked in the shadow of. This was all too absurd, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep lying to myself. Too exhausted and emotionally drained to continue my search, I decided to find a place where I could rest for a time. Leaving the kitchen I came into a room that seemed to have plenty of hiding places to choose from. It appeared to be a study of some sort with bookshelves, comfortable looking chairs, and a desk littered with papers. It reminded me of the office a sweet old shopkeeper paid me to tidy for him way back when. The main difference that stuck me was how I didn't have to bend my knees nearly this high in order to step onto any rugs in his shop.

Climbing up onto the lowest opening of a shelf, I was able to squeeze in behind a book end which wasn't pressed against the back. From behind it I had a clear view of both openings into the room if I bent around either side. The best feature was that if I remained in the middle I was completely hidden. Feeling safe enough for now, I nibbled at what was left of my rations before closing my eyes to just rest them briefly.


	6. Chapter 6

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A powerful mumble shook me from my sleep as I realized how very not alone I was. Sitting up I turned to peak around the bookend only to find my view of the room completely blocked. At first I hoped that it was just very dark outside but that plummeted when the enormous leg shifted as something far above me rummaged about in a higher up shelf. I somehow managed to cover my mouth just as a squeak tried to escape.

That same thing now began humming to itself as the sound of ruffling continued to fill the air while I sat frozen in shock, staring up at a kneecap the size of a table. It was then that the monster finally turned away from me, heading for a chair not too far off from my location. As the rest of it came into view, I recognized those hands as the ones that tormented me during many a sleepless night. They held a book, but not as tightly as I recalled they could hold something. Tearing my gaze away from the memories they evoked, my gaze travelled further up to recognize a very human looking build. Even the dress style resembled what I would have expected to see in my travels below the clouds.

It was then that I got enough courage to look up at the face of the fiend that haunted me for the past three years. Immediately I was torn between feelings of astonishment mixed with profound disappointment. Aside from the size difference, he looked more human than some of the men I've given money too. Even in a sitting position, his posture was poised and at the ready, so unlike the lazy swagger Jack carried himself about with. Overall, there was something almost militaristic about him. Facially he also could have been the complete opposite of Jack. Lacking any sharp angles, his features were broader and well defined. They were slightly masked by a thin shadow of stubble that stretched up into a hairline which was only slightly longer by comparison. Not surprisingly it was those eyes that I ended up lost in for most of my bold observation. A rich brown that consumed the book before him hungrily.

Finally realizing just how far out of cover I was leaning, I pulled my gaze away from his intent focus on the novel and crouched down against the book end once more. Steadying my breath I considered this new development. Sure he was huge and could easily crush me like I'd seen him do twice before, but currently he was reading. That had to make him an intellectual on some level, right? Thus I may even be able to reason with him, strike up some sort of deal. After all, I have seen what he did to the last thief. Maybe there was a way for me to get rich and stay alive at the same time instead of resorting to theft. As my bold ideas continued to run rampant in my head I felt a curious movement in the air behind me.

Stupidly, I leaned away from my barricade to find myself staring at an ear. It was then I realized there were eyes looking around the other side of the book end and a hand moving it slowly, surely to reveal me. Panicking, I grabbed onto it just as it was moved off the self. My first priority should have been staying out of sight, but one look at how high I was lifted into the air had me holding on for dear life. Turning away from the very hard looking floor I decided to distract myself with the giant instead. He was far more distracting then of my fear of heights.

Curiously he studied the place I slept in not too long ago, breathing in deeply before slowly placing the book end on the floor. From my new vantage point on the floor I continued to gawk at him. Meanwhile he used both hands to start shifting around further on that shelf. Still dumbstruck at my luck, I watched him a moment longer before turning tail and making a break for the closest cover. It ended up being the overly cushioned chair he had once occupied. Getting behind one of the legs I let myself turn back to see that he had shifted his search onto the floor. He now gazed intently at the book end before turning to follow the path I had just taken with his eyes as they slowly made their way towards my new hiding place.

My stomach twisted as I ducked back behind the chair leg before our eyes could meet. Cursing my now ill luck, I frantically searched for the next closest cover when a rumbling chuckle stopped almost all of my brain activity on the spot. Frozen in place, I mentally screamed for my legs to move while the breath that caught in my throat caused my lungs to ache.

Barely registering the shadow looming over me, the rest of the world began to darken around it. As a tunnel closed in on me I could feel the ground tremble as my legs finally gave out from under me. I heard my knees hit the ground but never felt my head make contact.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors Note:** I'm sure it's more than obvious by now that I don't have a beta reader for this story. Eventually I'll go back with someone who knows something about editing and clean up the rough edges. As of now Grease Monkeys came along and took my muse away. This story is going to continue, just at a slow rate since I don't have an entire fandom PM'ing me in regards to it. Blame supply and demand.

---*---

Waking quite disoriented, I shifted onto my side while focusing on getting my bearings back. Yet after looking about I felt more lost and off balanced than ever. I cried out in alarm as I realised my prayer for this entire mess to be nothing more than a foolish dream went blatantly unanswered. Thankfully there was no one around to hear the embarrassing loss of composure. Surveying my surrounding carefully, it became all too obvious that I was definitely still in the oversized world.

Standing on wobbly legs I found myself atop a counter in the kitchen. The walls were lined with cabinets and shelves that covered about half of the room. They were a well polished dark wood that held up various sacks and containers filled with what seemed to be perfectly run of the mill utensils and cooking supplies. But that was only if one neglected their outlandish size, of course. And knowing my luck their actual use would be just as sinister as the rest of this accursed place proved itself to be. The table in the middle of the room matched the chairs surrounding it; with only one seat looking more warn for wear then the other three. Overall the setup was rather pretty in its simplicity. Shaking my head from that silly notion I looked towards the matching countertops that ran along the length of the room, hoping to spot an easy way down from it like I had in the basement earlier. The sheer drop alone had me reeling backwards and re-evaluating exactly what was in my vicinity instead.

It was then I decided that my new altitude did not startle me nearly as much as the cutting board I realized I was on. And even that was no match for the knife lying beside it. Falling over myself to get away from both, I tripped and crashed into a huge bag that spilt what tasted like flower all over me. Coughing between curses I stumbled blindly out from the powdery cloud to find myself at the ledge of a cliff. That puny knife had nothing on this. Collapsing to the counter, I crawled backwards away from the edge. My eyes frantically darted anywhere that wouldn't remind me of my current predicament. Failing miserably I instead curled around myself to hide from the overwhelming reality that pressed in around me, breathing slowly to try and gain some semblance of calm.

The effort became wasted as the sound of light footfalls approached me. That something so massive could manage to move that quietly was beyond unnerving. Keeping my head ducked down I focused on making my body tremble less while trying to ignore the shadow slowly engulfing me. Unsuccessful, I instead looked up to find myself at eye level with a waist that I could not see around without incorporating my periphery vision. Gulping, I decided to at least try communicating with him. "Uh…Hi?"

No response. Craning my neck to look up at his chest I tried again. "So, nice place you have here." I was blanking on anything more productive to stay. He caught me in his home, uninvited, and now had me trapped on a counter top next to cooking supplies. Talking myself out of this seemed the only feasible option but tact has never been an asset of mine.

Needing to check my status concerning his mood, I looked further up to observe his face. The features were overall stern as he looked down at me. A mouth that could easily consume Jack's shrivelled old cow in one bite was set in a straight, tight line. Just above his nose dark brows curved down while slightly protruding outward, almost concealing his intense gaze. The expression would be completely horrifying if not for it appearing a bit off. Looking more attentively I realized why that was. He may be playing to big scary monster but somewhere inside he was laughing his enormous ass off, and at my expense, no less!

It's amazing how someone taking any semblance of pleasure at my expense can inspire me. "You know, it's hard for me to help you if you aren't going to begin negotiations." One of those eyebrows twitched up slightly, encouraging me to continue. "Otherwise we're both wasting one another's time and I should move on." Standing up I turned to leave, knowing full well that I had absolutely no place to go.

Behind me a deep rumble escaped, along with the first words I'd heard from him in three years. "And what, pray tell, might there be for us to discuss?" His tone dropped an octave as he continued, "From my current position, I would have to presume that nothing more remains to be said between the two of us."

Taking a deep breath, I shifted to face him. For the most part his face held that harsh look, but the eyes totally gave him away. "Why in regards to my fee, of course." Placing hands upon hips, I narrowed my own brows before continuing. "If you insist on being so difficult to work with, I can always leave and bring my business elsewhere." I probably trusted too heavily on the distance between us to mask my trembling hands. Aside from that I managed to maintain the disgruntled look I've seen an old shopkeeper give while haggling.

"Can you?" He inquired, mouth practically breaking into a grin.

Ignoring the all too accurate point, I continued my bluff. "Sir, I am a respectable member of my trade and refuse to be discredited in this manner a moment longer!" Dusting off some of the flower from my dress I forced my lips downwards in a scowl. "And by all rights I should charge you for ruining my uniform."

That did it. The giant threw back his head to release the most impressive belly laugh I had ever heard. I allowed myself a brief grin of triumph before getting back into character. I had plenty of time too since it my adversary a few moments before he could regain some semblance of his stoic atmosphere. "I will consider reimbursing you. In the meantime, tell me of this profession you seem so intent on involving me in."

I had him. Too bad I also had no clue what to do with him. "Well…" Stepping forward boldly I incorporated my hands to help craft my made up background. "My organization has recently been trying to expand. You know, to better increase our clientele and thus profits. This also includes discovering new worlds and establishing ourselves before any competitors can muscle in on the business."

He nodded once before reaching to pull one of the chairs over to rest it beside him. "I can certainly understand that mentality."

"So you see my need for urgency." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Why certainly. I entirely comprehend the necessity to lie when one has found themselves to be in a dire situation." At that he sat down, bringing himself far too close to my level.

Jaw dropping, I quickly considered my options before rearranging my features into just the right expression. It wasn't difficult, considering the direction I chose to go with as I managed to say quite flabbergasted, "Sir, I am shocked and appalled that you would accuse me, a fine lady with good standing, of such an atrocity." Stamping my foot I continued with an outraged tone, "I will not stand for this discourteous manner a moment longer! Now we can either barter like respectable businessmen or I will just have to move on and find a client who can better appreciate what I have to offer."

I'm not sure when exactly, but at some point during our discussion the distance between us decreased considerably. He sat across from me at eye level, leaning in so his face loomed just before the counter. Meanwhile, I happened to be standing right on the very edge I had previously bolted from. He breathed through his nose for the most part, but whenever he spoke I felt the warmth of his exhalation. The smell reminded me of the air before a thunderstorm. "Then I apologise if you feel I have overstepped my bounds as a potential… client." He brought up a hand to rest his chin on while considering me a bit too closely. As his eyes slowly wandered up and down my body I couldn't help but feel self conscious, especially when the curious look shifted to become something else.

Backing up slightly from that gaze I stammered out, "I will accept your apology on one condition." At that his eyes shifted back to my face, once again curious. "We shall discuss any further business I might consider engaging in with you over a meal." I paused, evaluating his unchanged expression before continuing, "I have travelling such a long way to your home and find myself in need of sustenance before I can even consider getting down to business."

Another smile broke out across his face like lightening from a dark cloud. "Then, my dear, I shall see what I have to offer." Leaning back on the chair he pushed himself off of it and in one smooth motion tucked it under the table before moving to one of the many cubberts. "Might you have anything in mind or shall I prepare what I have on hand." His eyes were alight with a spark as he continued gathering supplies around the kitchen, all the while gracing me with a look of pure delight before turning to retrieve the next item he'd need.

His good mood was contagious and I soon found myself grinning as well. While enjoying the various scents that permeated the air I occasionally moved to get a better look at what he was doing. I couldn't help but feel captivated by the way he made the simple task of cooking look like an art form. The sheer size difference probably added to the effect. It was also hard to stand still as various tools and spices were moved over my head and around my body. Often my need to observe at a closer distance caused me to get in his way. But he never showed any sign of being annoyed by this. Rather, his eyes shone brighter as he made a lavish show of working around me to get our meal done.

At one point a stray finger ran lightly across my ankle when he reached for the bag of flower. I stifled a yelp of surprise, but aside from that couldn't bring myself to be any more unnerved by the contact. In fact, it was getting difficult to think of him as the monster from my nightmares at this point.

Try as I might I could not seem to recall the horrific impression he left on me during our first encounter. The appalling experience felt much more like a fading memory as I continued to move about his counter, almost playful dodging his reach for anything but me. And it's not as though I could forget that day had ever happened. While images still managed to twist my stomach and raise the hairs on my arms I just couldn't feel threatened by the quietly cooking giant. After all, it was the detestable Jack and his insufferable mother. I could hardly blame the man for removing the two most dreadfully odious beings from my sight. Though I do still wish the act could have happened far away from said sight.

As my thoughts continued to rectify the nasty image I created of my host, he placed the finishing touches on our plates before setting them down on his table. Turning back to the counter he looked down at me, expectantly. Cocking an eyebrow curiously I inquired, "Yes?"

He gifted me with a raised corner of his mouth before placing his hand on the counter, palm up. Looking to the offered hand I couldn't help but back up at the implication behind this action. His smile softened slightly at my obvious reluctance, "Unless you happen to have a better mode of transportation, I suggest you allow me to assist you to the table." Aside from that smile, his face betrayed nothing. Even his eyes remained steady and focused.

It was then that my imagination kicked back in, shattering the thin layer of confidence and ease that I had delicately pieced together. "I umm… well, you see- the thing is…" Trailing off again I looked away from the tempting sight of colossal food. But the action could do nothing about the delicious aroma emitting from atop the very far away table. When my stomach lightly rumbled I was almost certain he could hear it too. "Can't we just eat here? On the counter?"

His smile dropped back into its typical stern line as he regarded me. "That is no way to conduct a matter of business, my dear. If you are truly serious concerning my future involvement with your company, then we shall negotiate over a meal properly."

I should have known he would turn my one defence against me. I started this game, and if I wanted to stay alive long enough to have any chance of winning I had to follow the rules. Shoulders slumping in defeat, I dragged my reluctant feet to his awaiting hand.


End file.
